Last week I was shocked, no saddened…or maybe a little ashamed, when I realised I had committed four of my biggest pet hates all in one week. I tried to come up with excuses for myself but I wasn’t stressed or PMSing and I got 10 hours of blissful sleep each night. When I thought long and hard about what I had done I realised that my pet hates where pretty much committed by everyone. Which meant I didn’t have to be so hard on myself (YAY) but on the other hand I shouldn’t be so hard on others either. So if I have growled or whinged and shook my head in disgust at you for doing these things I’m sorry. We are all human…I guess.

So here are my four biggest pet hates. Basically shit we all find SO annoying when it happens to US but don’t realise when WE are doing it.

Leaving your trolley in the middle of the aisle unattended when you are grocery shopping

Seriously people.  How hard is it to keep your trolley with you? Too many times I have been tripped AND pulled a hamstring trying to grab a can of baked beans while leaning over an abandoned trolley, to let this continue. I really wish someone would create a trolley with a sensor that required you to have one hand on it at all times. If you just so happened to let go and wander off it would start beeping  that high pitch sound that makes you want to cry (you know the one) until you came back to claim it.  You’d be so embarrassed and deaf that you’d never dare leave it in the middle of the aisle again. Think of what you are putting your poor fellow shoppers through. You are literally tempting certain others* into stealing the packet of Oreos from your trolley that they totally wanted but saw you pick up and upon reaching the spot realised they were the last ones. But hey, finders keepers right?

Walking slowly along the footpath while checking your Facebook notifications on your phone

I get it. You’re popular! You get like 50 notifications a day and people are literally holding their breath waiting for you to respond. Because that’s the only reason I can think of that would excuse you for dawdling along the footpath blocking people like moi from getting passed. I’m sorry, I’ve got shit to do and places to be. I wish I had time to laugh and exclaim “OMG” at my phone too but I don’t so move it. They say social media is changing the way we communicate which I totally agree with but I’m starting to think it’s changing our motor functions too. Soon we are going to need a ‘using my phone while walking’ lane next to the bike lane so inpatient people who like to stride can get on with their day. Does someone know who I can contact about this?

Not flushing after you’ve used a public toilet

I’m guessing we are all guilty of this one, yes?  Having to pee in a public toilet is about the only time I wish I was male. I usually wait to the very last minute out of hope that I will find a shiny, disinfected shopping mall to do my business. When my hope turns into abdominal cramps I give in and make my way to the cobwebbed, cold and musty smelling shed. And after finally managing to get the door open and then locked (I do this by pushing the door open with my foot and then using my elbow to turn the lock around – I never touch ANYTHING in those places with my hands) I peer over the bowl. Lovely, this must be what being a naughty kid feels like on Christmas except instead of coal I get… I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to touch the flush button but if we don’t do it ladies then we really do make it harder on ourselves. Might I suggest carrying a bottle of hand sanitiser in your bag? It really is your best friend after situations like this one.

Reading the newspaper over someone’s shoulder on the train

You’ve forgotten your book and you’ve read all the important updates on Twitter so you find yourself glancing around the train counting down the minutes when you notice a newspaper headline “Chrissie Swan confesses to smoking while pregnant.” She what? You can’t believe it.  She has to have her reasons right? But what are they? Without realising you lean in closer and start reading your neighbours newspaper. She starts to flick the page and you tilt your head quickly scanning down trying to grasp at words before it is too late. You look up and realise your neighbour is giving you a death stare and has moved so her back is facing you and you can’t read over her shoulder anymore. That person who was trying to quietly enjoying reading her morning paper is ME. And I don’t like feeling your breath on my neck. It grosses me out and makes me itchy. Why don’t you Google it?  Isn’t that what most people do these days read the newspaper on their phone? What’s the world coming too when I can’t even catch public transport without feeling my privacy and personal space has been invaded. Sigh.

Am I being too harsh?

What are your pet hates? Share with me!

*I have never actually taken an item from someone’s abandoned trolley. So if you’ve had something go missing it wasn’t me. On the other hand, I am guilty of loving the saying ‘I told you so.’

Featured image by Rachel Kurzyp.